Step 3: Reestablishing Contact With Your Ex Again
You can't get back together with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend until you've somehow reestablished a connection. In this case where your ex is already dating somebody else, this can get tricky. When your ex has a new boyfriend or girlfriend, the rules for communication are slightly different.
Many people who want to get a lover back don't see any problem with calling their ex while that person is involved in a new relationship. Either they rationalize it with an excuse such as "Hey, my ex said they wanted to stay friends with me anyway", or they flat out don't care if they hurt the feelings of their ex's new love interest. This is selfish, self-serving, and is probably your worst approach to making contact.
Even if your ex does want to talk to you, that person is going to be very guarded about his or her new relationship. Until your ex knows that you can be cool about things, they're going to see you as a threat to their new romance. In order to win your ex back from somebody else, you must establish a form of neutral trust. You have to show them that it's okay to talk to you, and that you won't be disrupting their new romance - whether it's an actual relationship or a rebound fling.
Secretly Becoming Friends With Your Ex Again
Unlike most other approaches to getting back an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, becoming friends with your ex is actually beneficial in the case where they're already dating. After a long period in which you've distanced yourself and given your ex's romance time to play past the initial stages of infatuation, you need to work your way back into your ex's life in some capacity. One of the best ways to do this is to play to role of neutral friend, sounding board, and platonic ex boyfriend/girlfriend. By providing a forum for your ex to vent his or her life's daily issues, you can regain some of the closeless you once had without your ex fearing that it will affect his or her new relationship... for now, anyway.
For this reason, any contact you make with your ex needs to be kept initally secret. Many people who've lost someone they love have trouble handling this; since you were once the public focal point of your ex's life, going underground with your communication might seem almost like a demotion. The truth however, is that you can't look at things this way. In order to win back an exboyfriend or exgirlfriend from another relationship, you need to look forward to the long term goal of one day being together again. Eventually, none of the stuff either of you are going through right now will matter anymore.
The Best Ways To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Luckily, getting back in touch with someone is easy these days. One of the best methods for reconnecting is probably through email. In calling or even texting your ex, you always run the risk that he or she might be standing next to their new boyfriend or girlfriend. But email is something your ex will usually check in private, giving them the opportunity to answer you.
Start by sending your ex a very short joke or funny photo that might be going around from friend to friend. As you forward it, make sure you include a small note at the top of the email, asking your ex how they've been. Don't make this email longer than a single line or two, as this is simply an ice-breaker. An email like this is usually welcomed, will make your ex laugh, and requires some type of response - all of which are good things right now.
When your ex writes back, they'll probably include a few lines about life in general before asking you what you've been up to. Your ex may or may not mention their new relationship, and this is okay. Whether they do or not, you shouldn't press for information or reveal that you know anything. The big goal here is keeping those first few back-and-forth emails light, casual, and fun for the both of you as you begin the process of reconnecting.
If you've withdrawn fully and handled yourself maturely after the break up? Your ex will actually be eager to talk to you. They'll be very curious to know where you've been, what you've been up to, and how come they haven't heard from you sooner. Even in the case where your boyfriend or girlfriend was the person who ended the relationship, that person will still be glad to hear from you - as long as you demonstrate the ability to keep things cool.
Not sure when the time is right to get back in touch with your ex? Follow these general rules and guidelines.
Other Ways To Get Back In Touch With Your Ex Again
If you're more of a phone person, calling your ex in order to reconnect is still a possibility. Choosing to call your ex is okay only if you've waited out the early stages of his new romance by completely abstaining from contact.
Since you dated this person and know his or her schedule, try to arrange such a call when you know your ex is likely to be alone. Make the call on a weekday instead of a weekend, and try to do it when your ex has at least a minute or two to shoot things over with you. Keep the phone call incredibly short, just as you would that initial email... you're trying to casually reconnect for now, and that's all.
Avoid any type of text-messaging with your ex as a form of first contact. Texting your ex is cold, clinical, and rather lame. Such messages are easily misconstrued, and intentions misread. And if those weren't bad enough reasons, your ex's new boyfriend or girlfriend could wind up seeing the message - and this would blow everything you're trying to accomplish right now.
Oh, and the worst connection you can make with an ex? Writing on his or her MySpace page or Facebook wall. That type of action reeks of desperation, and once again, it's visible to your ex, his new lover, his friends, etc...
Carrying on a Secret Connection With Your Ex
Once you've broken the ice and started communicating with your ex again, you're ready for the next step of winning them back from their new boyfriend or girlfriend:
Establishing Neutral Trust and Friendship.
- Step 1: Demonstrating Acceptance & Withdrawal
- Step 2: Waiting Out The Honeymoon Phase of Your Ex's New Romance
- Step 3: Reconnecting Secretly With Your Ex
- Step 4: Establishing New Trust and Friendship
- Step 5: Setting Up a Reunion With Your Ex
- Step 6: Using Your Past History To Draw Out Your Ex's Feelings & Emotions
- Step 7: Undermining The Foundation of Your Ex's New Relationship
- Step 8: Getting Back Together With Your Ex
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