Step 6: Using Your Past History To Your Advantage
It's one thing you have that your ex's new boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't: a past history of great times together. Even if your relationship got rocky at the end, there will always be fond memories of good things you and your ex did together... both in your own mind, and in theirs too.
Getting your ex to think about these things can really put them back in the mindset of missing and needing you. By reinserting yourself into your ex's life - even in an email or phone call capacity - you've established yourself as a friend, and someone he or she can trust.
Going one step further, by playing upon your past history you can move in the direction of making your ex to want you back. Done correctly, your ex will begin thinking about what it's like to be with you again, despite the fact that they're currently involved in a new relationship.
Dusting Off Old Memories of Being Together: Why It Works
In general, people tend to fear change. Because of this, men and women in the dating world tend to cling to things they know rather than risk the things they don't. Your ex broke up with you for certain reasons, whatever that may have been. But given enough time and enough positive, friendly contact? Those reasons fade from view, leaving only the good times and great memories you had together in their wake.
Eventually, your ex will begin questioning why he or she isn't with you anymore. After all, you're having a great time secretly talking to one another, and maybe even meeting up from time to time.
This is where knowledge of your ex's new relationship comes into play for you. When you know they're having problems, or when you know your ex and their new boyfriend or girlfriend are arguing over something? This is the time to swoop in and "be there" for them. If you can be there physically, great. But if not, at least be on the other end of the phone or computer to verbally support them through these crucial times. Again, you can't bash the person they're dating just yet... but with the cracks in their relationship finally starting to show, you can agree with them a lot more when they're unhappy.
Here's where your past history can also be useful. Reminiscing about old times will take your ex's mind off his or her new love interest and put the focus back on your past relationship. By bringing up only the great memories, you're not running the risk of fighting or arguing with your ex over who was right or wrong during the break up. Make sure your ex knows how much you loved those times, and even miss them. Be subtle, but be happy about the things you've experienced, places you've gone, and things you've both done together.
Moving Closer To Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Over time, your ex will start seeking you out a lot more frequently. This is where you can begin to close the gap between you, even going as far as some physical contact. When your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend is feeling down, comfort them. When they're feeling happy, flirt with them. Get a little more playful and have a lot more fun.
Remember that connecting as "friends" can only take you so far, but if your ex is showing positive signs of wanting to be around you? There's nothing wrong with taking steps in their direction so you can meet them halfway. Just make sure your advances are welcomed, and that you're not moving things along too quickly. Learn to recognize the signs that your ex wants you back.
Getting Your Ex Away From Their New Relationship
Emotionally, your ex has attachments to you. You should be capitalizing on these attachments by gently drawing out your ex's repressed memories and feelings for you. Doing this slowly is key... move too fast and your ex may feel as if they're being pushed in a certain direction. Move slow enough however, and your ex will begin thinking that wanting you back is their own idea.
At the same time this is going on, your ex's attachment to his or her new relationship will be waning. To promote this separation, you'll need to create some distance of your own. You've come a long way by now, and you've been very patient. Don't blow it by running full tilt into your ex's arms again, before they're ready.
You want to be there for your ex when they need you, as stated above. But simultaneously, you'll also want to give your ex the impression that you've got a life of your own. When your ex begins thinking that you're moving on to bigger and better things - and maybe even new people - he or she will accelerate the reconciliation process. Any ex that's thinking of dumping their new boyfriend or girlfriend in order to date you again will move ten times faster if they think you're going somewhere.
The next step in this process is a little sneaky, but in some situations, it may be necessary to giving your ex that one last nudge in your direction:
- Step 1: Demonstrating Acceptance & Withdrawal
- Step 2: Waiting Out The Honeymoon Phase of Your Ex's New Romance
- Step 3: Reconnecting Secretly With Your Ex
- Step 4: Establishing New Trust and Friendship
- Step 5: Setting Up a Reunion With Your Ex
- Step 6: Using Your Past History To Draw Out Your Ex's Feelings & Emotions
- Step 7: Undermining The Foundation of Your Ex's New Relationship
- Step 8: Getting Back Together With Your Ex
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